Hawaiian Islands Tour - Maui

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Come On & Join Us - Maui
By Maui Curmudgeon

This is the 6th in a 7-part series of Maui Curmudgeon’s Hawaiian Islands Tour.

We live here, so yeah, we still like it. Most tourists go to the west side with Lahaina, or the south side, like Kihei and Wailea. Most of us residents have simply given up on the west and south.

Kihei looks like the ass-end of a Pittsburgh suburb on a bad day. Lahaina is choked with traffic which, frankly, tourists deserve if they are going to stay there. And yeah, developers have pretty much paved whole square miles of the place, but then, they are evil and will spend an eternity burning in hell anyway so we look forward to that on their behalf.

Maui is still worth it though. But unlike the previous island pieces we’re going to describe things a little differently here.

Five things you’ll likely do on Maui you shouldn’t:
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First Friday in Wailuku

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Aloha

Click for Kahului, Hawaii ForecastDisobedience Day
Day 184 of 2009
181 days left in this year


HAWAIIAN WORD OF THE DAY — Hoa paio: Adversary
PIDGIN WORD OF THE DAY — Poro: Friend
HAWAIIAN PROVERB OF THE DAY — “The mouths of people make noise like mud crabs.”
HAOLE SAYING OF THE DAY — “The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others.” (Frederich Niezsche)



July 3, 1919: The first copies of the Honolulu Advertiser newspaper are delivered by airmail to Maui. No one wanted to read it then, either.

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Hawaiian Islands Tour - Kauai

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Come On & Join Us - Kauai
By Maui Curmudgeon

This is the 5th in a 7-part series of Maui Curmudgeon’s Hawaiian Islands Tour.

Kauai is easily the worst island in the chain, bar none. It would take a book to describe how badly the island operates, how ridiculous the people are, how sad the place is. We are stymied on where to begin on this most abhorrent of Hawaiian Islands.

How about this: in the past year, three groups of people from other islands have gone to visit Kauai, at separate times. Everyone of them rearranged their trip to return home early, one after a single day.

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Mango Picker Electrocuted

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Aloha

Click for Kahului, Hawaii ForecastUFO Day
Day 183 of 2009
182 days left in this year


HAWAIIAN WORD OF THE DAY — Mai’a: Banana
PIDGIN WORD OF THE DAY — Wanpela tasol: Alone
HAWAIIAN PROVERB OF THE DAY — “Lying face up and counting the rafters.”
HAOLE SAYING OF THE DAY — “The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts them.” (Mark Twain)



Tuesday Last: A 59-year-old man was electrocuted and killed Tuesday morning while picking mangoes in a tree at the family residence in Lahaina. More >
July 2nd, 1968: Maui is nearly destroyed, and everything we now hold dear about this island is made nearly extinct, by an overwhelming invasion. Or, at least the nutjob of a mayor thought so. Elmer Cravalho says, “the presence of hippies on Maui is causing more unrest in the community than any event since World War II.” The mayor estimates the number of hippies on the island at 100.
World War II…Hippies. World War II..Hippies. Yeah, they come out about equal on my scale, too. Oh wait, it’s unfair. There’s a finger on one side of the scale. Let me give that finger to Mr. Cravalho. — Maui Curmudgen

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Hawaiian Islands Tour - The Big Island

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Come On & Join Us - The Big Island
By Maui Curmudgeon

This is the 4th in a 7-part series of Maui Curmudgeon’s Hawaiian Islands Tour.

When you live in Hawaii and you talk about Hawaii you can be talking about Hawaii the state or Hawaii the Island so we call the state Hawaii and the Island of Hawaii the Big Island. Got it? It’s larger than all other islands put together.

Frankly, and very unfortunately, most of the Big Island sucks. Mornings are nice but most of the day - and on both sides of the island - the air is choked now with VOG. Sulpher dioxide, hydrocarbons, and lots of other nasty stuff from the lava spewing from the ground makes the island more like LA on a very bad day. Resident children have an astronomical incidence of asthma. Local property values were falling long before the economy collapsed, because of VOG.

Still, go. There are a few things you need to experience.

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Halfway to 2010

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Aloha

Click for Kahului, Hawaii ForecastCanada Day
Day 182 of 2009
183 days left in this year


HAWAIIAN WORD OF THE DAY — Kahikoli: Early morning sun
PIDGIN WORD OF THE DAY — Ples bilong klaut: Sky
HAWAIIAN PROVERB OF THE DAY — “The firebrand soars proudly over the cliffs.”
HAOLE SAYING OF THE DAY — “Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.” (George Carlin)


Haleakala National Park, Maui Hawaii

FISCAL NEW YEAR
2009 Is Half Over

July 1st, 1961: Haleakala Park Dedicated. The 30th U.S. National Park is dedicated - Haleakala National Park right here on Maui. It poured during the entire ceremony. Facts, figures, history and lots of good things about this park that includes the world’s largest inactive volcano, are available right here: http://www.nps.gov/hale

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Hawaiian Islands Tour - Molokai

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Come On & Join Us - Molokai
By Maui Curmudgeon

This is the 3rd in a 7-part series of Maui Curmudgeon’s Hawaiian Islands Tour.

Molokai is the one Hawaiian island where you WILL experience old Hawaii. Yeah, we know, “they” say that about Lanai and Kauai and even the Big Island, but that’s all bull. Hawaii is located on Molokai. The rest is wishing.

The people on Molokai are tough - they’ve prevented cruise ships from coming, drove out their largest employer, the “Ranch” hotel and grounds (because it wanted to expand), and generally have the reputation of being unwelcoming. Not true, unless you want to move there. If you’re a traveler however, you’d be hard pressed to find nicer Hawaiians.

What makes Molokai worth visiting:

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Good-bye June

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Aloha

Click for Kahului, Hawaii ForecastMeteor Day
Day 182 of 2009
183 days left in this year


HAWAIIAN WORD OF THE DAY — Ha’a: Dance
PIDGIN WORD OF THE DAY — Kukim long paia: Barbecue
HAWAIIAN PROVERB OF THE DAY — “Be careful lest you be struck by the voice.”
HAOLE SAYING OF THE DAY — “Though I am grateful for the blessings of wealth, it hasn’t changed who I am. My feet are still on the ground. I’m just wearing better shoes.” (Oprah Winfrey)


Quantas AirJune 30, 1959: This really has nothing to do with Maui per se, but I find it interesting anyway. Before Hawaii became a state, the very first commercial jet to come to Hawaii arrived today, from San Francisco. The flight took 4 hours and 49 minutes (which is about what it takes today too). It was a Boeing 707 called The City of Sydney, and yes, it was owned by Quantas Airlines. The Royal Hawaiian Band played “Waltzing Matilda”. And for those of you who remember the movie “Rainman,” yes, it’s true. Quantas is the only major carrier in  the world that has never had an air accident.

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