By Maui Curmudgeon

Three studies have released their results in the past few days, and for liberals, they are all good news. Follow the logic on this:

1) A 20-year study shows that eating fewer calories extends life in monkeys. This backs up a similar study in mice. The point: if you’re thinner you’ll live longer and have a better quality of life.

2) If you live in a Blue State (i.e.Hawaii), you’ll get better health care if you have a heart attack, than if you lived in a Red State. Want to survive an attack? Live in New Jersey or Vermont or Oregon. Want to die? Live in Tennessee, Lousiana, Arkansas or Missouri.

3) It’s official, there’s a new name for the “Bible Belt,” that huge stretch of land from South Carolina to Texas: the “Blubber Belt.” The majority of obesity in the U.S. is concentrated in the South, statiticians report.

Put all this together and what do you get? Fat conservative Southern hypocrits dying in droves.

Couldn’t you just weep for joy?